Thursday, April 9, 2015

Still learning to be a mom

One thing I usually avoid is to give advise on anything related to parenting. Maybe because I had given birth 4 times, people tend to ask me what to do during pregnancy and child birth. I usually hesitate to give any comments mainly due to the fact I believe all pregnancy and child birth are different. Even my four pregnancy and child birth experience were not exactly identical. What I usually say when people ask, this is based on my experience which may differ from others.

I must confess (yes, another confession). It irks me when people say my life is easy cause my kids area all grown up. And now when I have a baby, some may say my life is still easy, cause I have 3 kids to help me take care of the baby. Well, from the look of it, I don't experience any hardship in my life, do I. Let me tell you the issues when you have small and later big kids.

I mentioned many times before I got married young. And I got kids at young age too. I have 3 kids by the time I am 25. Mira and Ilham gap is about 1 year 2 months while Ilham and Baby 1 year 9 months. Surprised huh? Yes, before my kids got big like they are now, they were small #sarcasm.

So raising all three of them was indeed a big challenge. And not having a maid added to that challenge. Every morning before going to work, we have to get them ready, bathe them, dress them, prepare milk and breakfast, get them and their stuff into the car and then send them to daycare. All that to be done under 1 hour including time for us to prepare ourselves. Of course, like other babies and toddlers, they threw tantrum, refused to get into the bathroom, fight among themselves and all the dramas you would know if you have young children.

When they enter school, it will be new set of issues. Making sure they do their homework, get their school items ready everyday, also reminding them not to lose their stuff like their lunch box, stationery among others, go to bed on time so they won't feel tired the next morning. Let's not forget the school drama about their teachers, friends and not so friendly people around them. Yes, you don't have to bathe and dress them. But let me tell you this phase is more complex. When they were smaller, you need to hear them. Now, you need to listen. Those 2 are different. You need to listen how their day went. Who is now friends with who, what are they up to. The kind of activities they do in school and what subject they hate and enjoy. Yes, you need to pay attention no matter how busy you are and you have to juggle this with your work since you still need to earn a living.

And now they are teenagers before you know it. They will have different needs. They want freedom at the same time they want you to be there for them. They are in a confuse state at times and expect your guidance. They want you around but they also want to look cool in front of their friends. Sometimes, you will be in a confuse state trying to guess what do they really want. They are trying to find their identity and who they are. They are discovering people from opposite sex and as muchs as you try to guide and control them, you can only pray for them to make the right decision. Yes, pretty complex. We all went through that before. We should be able to relate that.

Now we are re-entering the first phase while managing the teenage space. So, it gets tougher. Yes, we have 3 extra helpers but you do know these helpers need to go to school, do their homework, study and hang out with their friends. They are your kids, not your maid. So, we need to be sensitive with their needs. I am blessed Mira, Ilham and Baby love spending time with Isyraf. But I must also make sure they have their space too. They need to also enjoy teenage life and not forced to play the parents role. I want them to continue to enjoy having Isyraf's company, because they want to, not because they have to.

Some even say at least with bigger kids we will not be sleep deprived. Guess what, occasionally you will lose sleep but for different reason. Like worrying about how they are doing in school or when you have disagreement with them and you worry if they will start to distant themselves from you. And they do get sick so that will also keep you awake. You'll know when you get there.

Hence, that is why I am not the right person to ask about parenting. I am still learning myself. I am not even sure how my kids will turn up when they get bigger. Will they do well in college, will they get good descent job, will they have amazing life partner are some of many questions I constantly ask myself.

And the most critical questions, when I die, will they be the one to manage the funeral, will they be the one mandikan my jenazah, kafankan and solatkan. Will they be the one to carry the coffin and walk me to my final resting place. Will they be the one praying to Allah to forgive my sins and grant me Jannah.

Parenting goes beyond what life has to offer. If done well, it will be carried to the hereafter...(OMG, it rhymes! )

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