There's always a price to pay

I am a detailed person and a planner. Both are my strongest point. I look into things line by line and I live by check lists. As the matter of fact, I have check lists for everything. I am a strong believer of planning. I love planning. I love coordinating, hence why I love doing events. I love connecting the dots. That s what keeps me going.

However, I am beginning to learn and trying to accept the higher I climb the ladder, the less detailed person I will be, even now I am getting less and less detailed which frankly speaking, I totally hate it. I love that I am detailed and I love that I am hands on in many things. Just that with the current workload on my plate I need to accept, I can't do everything as much as I want to.

Before this I am ok to go for meetings by myself and come back with information to be disseminated to the rest. But now, running from meeting to another I must confess I don't have the luxury to send a recap email like I always do. Even if I did, it will be few days later. And I hate this kind of inefficiency I am portraying.

I know, I am killing myself in setting such high expectations. Something that I need to overcome. I have been working like this for the longest time and doing things by myself is something I am used to. Now, I need to convert to a delegator, which what I have been doing, just in a smaller scale. Now, I need to expand the delegating and let go...

So far, I am making good progress *clap clap*. I begin to bring my team for meetings and they will then take it on and trigger me only something pressing that requires my attention. Don't get me wrong, I trust my team completely, this is just something I need to deal with. It's part of my development.

Deep in my heart, I am afraid I will loose the "being detailed" skill, I don't want to loose the skill in coordinating. Therefore, I know there will still be things I want to be involved in end-to-end. Just that I need to prioritise which projects that allow me to "continue practising" this skill.

It's not easy, but Insyallah it'll be easier...And I have a great team who are also helping to make it easier and grooming me to be a better leader. Alhamdulilah....

Signing off,

liza365.blogspot.com

Married Young

I just came back from sending Baby to her tuition class. One of the question Baby always asked me is why am I not old like other people's mom. I know what she meant. During any of her school events, or at PIBG meeting, I often get comments from her friends or teachers or other parents on how young I am. That happens more frequent if I go to Mira's school since Mira is 15 therefore I am expected to be older like other parents who have kids my age.

No, it's not because I awet muda, or even the effect of anti aging cream I am using (which reminds me, esok nak kena beli new bottle since the current one dah nak habis, nanti habis kerepot muka tak pakai cream). It's more because I got married at a young age therefore gave birth while I was young too. 

Yes, I got married at the age of 21 (technically 20 as I got married 6 months before my 21st birthday). It was not an easy decision, not only to me, it was harder for my parents to accept. However, I know my better half is the right one for me so I proceed even to the dismay of my Abah and Mummy. Alhamdulilah, after nearly 16 years of marriage, my better half takes care of me really well. Even my Abah told me, he don't think anyone else can tahan living with me.

I must say, it's not easy. In fact, it was really hard. First few years of our marriage, life was really tough, both financially and emotionally. Dating someone and finally living with them is not the same at all. You begin to see sides you never seen before, which I think are mostly my ugly sides my better half did not know before he lafaz Aku Terima Nikahnya. 

I was only 22 when I delivered Mira, 23 when I have Ilham and by the time I was 25, before I know it, I have 3 kids, delivered Baby 2 years after Ilham. While I see my friends enjoying life, going to concerts, parties and socialising, I was battling with diapers, sleepless nights, working and cleaning our home in between. Knowing we can't afford a maid, made it even tougher. I am blessed with a husband who helps me and making all this manageable. 

I have no experience whatsoever taking care of babies. I remembered when I had to bath Mira for the first time, I freaked out. She was so tiny, I was so afraid I will drop her or even hurt her. What if while I bath her she slips and fell into the basin. And hundreds of other what if ran through my mind.

Nevertheless, I enjoy being a mom very much. It gives me loads of satisfaction knowing both of us raised our kids when they were smaller all by ourselves. I hardly can participate in any social activities. Even if I want to and plan it carefully, if one of my babies fell sick, all plans will change. I must admit, at times I just want to get away and run to somewhere I can be just by myself. What I usually did, take a half or full day off, buy a good book and sit at one quiet corner and read. Cheap and satisfying. Money was really limited back then, so spa, pedicure or manicure or facial was never an option.

Alhamdulilah, everything turn out well so far. Long journey to go but things look really promising. Kids are bigger (and now have different set of problems so never say "anak2 ko dah besar, senanglah", when they were smaller, it's different challenges, when the get bigger, that's another set of challenges) and I am still energetic to handle them and keeping up with their active life. As our age gap is not that huge compared to other parents, many things they do I can understand and now how to relate to them. We listen to similar kind of music (except for Mira who has yet to exit from her kpop phase, I love her so much but no way I can accept her kpopness), we can speak the same language. I am so thankful and blessed for all this.

Berakit-rakit ke hulu,

Berenang-renang ke tepian,

Bersakit-sakit dahulu,

Bersenang-senang kemudian...

May Allah continue to protect and bless us. May this happiness stays till Jannah..Amin...

Nota tapak hati *chewah* ~ About a month before our 16th Anniversary. Moga Allah terus memberkati.

Signing off,

liza365.blogspot.com

Oh, I so wanna be Donna!

For those who watch Suits series would know what I am referring to. I actually enjoy watching court drama or investigative kind of series. I think the first court drama I watched was LA Law. I can still recall the series montage where the car boot was close and have LA Law license plate on it. That was so cool back then.

I also love watching Law & Order, CSI (my favourite now is the NY version as Horatio is getting too annoying and CSI Vegas without Grissom just lost the magical touch), Blue Blood (still can't believe Danny Whalberg of NKOTB has no hair!), The Good Wife, NCIS to name a few. Can't watch Criminal Mind though, too explicit for me. Scary!

So when Suits started, I fell in love immediately. Harvey the cocky lawyer, who is so full of himself and yet see talent beyond just a piece of paper called degree (and it has to be from Harvard, mind you), or Mike, A Harvey wannabe however, tried to show he has more integrity than him when he is turning into Harvey by day, or Louis, the guy the whole office love to hate, we have one like that in every office kan. Or for the ladies, wanting to be Jessica, an iron lady who have to keep on proving herself, Rachel who can easily be a top lawyer just by using her dad's name but decided to work her way up. Or your choice is like me, Donna, the awesome and amazing PA for Harvey. Her character is the most interesting one, in my opinion at least. The way she speaks, how she handles stressful situation, how she zasss back those who tried to be funny, is just so different. At times, when I watch her scene and relate it back to the work I do, I would secretly wish, why didn't I respond to some not so pleasant individuals the way Donna did. 

Suits also shows what office politics are all about. Would not want to elaborate on that since I am sure for those who are in working world would know what I am referring to.

I love Suits and can't wait for Season 3 which will start in June/July. As always, the end of Season 2 is another cliff hanger and a steamy cliff hanger indeed. That filing room scene which I am sure it will not be shown in Malaysia.

For those who have yet to see it, watch lah in channel 702, Diva. Can't remember when and what time, sila rujuk laman sesawang Astro.

Yes, I so wanna be Donna.

Signing off,

liza365.blogspot.com