Still learning to be a mom

One thing I usually avoid is to give advise on anything related to parenting. Maybe because I had given birth 4 times, people tend to ask me what to do during pregnancy and child birth. I usually hesitate to give any comments mainly due to the fact I believe all pregnancy and child birth are different. Even my four pregnancy and child birth experience were not exactly identical. What I usually say when people ask, this is based on my experience which may differ from others.

I must confess (yes, another confession). It irks me when people say my life is easy cause my kids area all grown up. And now when I have a baby, some may say my life is still easy, cause I have 3 kids to help me take care of the baby. Well, from the look of it, I don't experience any hardship in my life, do I. Let me tell you the issues when you have small and later big kids.

I mentioned many times before I got married young. And I got kids at young age too. I have 3 kids by the time I am 25. Mira and Ilham gap is about 1 year 2 months while Ilham and Baby 1 year 9 months. Surprised huh? Yes, before my kids got big like they are now, they were small #sarcasm.

So raising all three of them was indeed a big challenge. And not having a maid added to that challenge. Every morning before going to work, we have to get them ready, bathe them, dress them, prepare milk and breakfast, get them and their stuff into the car and then send them to daycare. All that to be done under 1 hour including time for us to prepare ourselves. Of course, like other babies and toddlers, they threw tantrum, refused to get into the bathroom, fight among themselves and all the dramas you would know if you have young children.

When they enter school, it will be new set of issues. Making sure they do their homework, get their school items ready everyday, also reminding them not to lose their stuff like their lunch box, stationery among others, go to bed on time so they won't feel tired the next morning. Let's not forget the school drama about their teachers, friends and not so friendly people around them. Yes, you don't have to bathe and dress them. But let me tell you this phase is more complex. When they were smaller, you need to hear them. Now, you need to listen. Those 2 are different. You need to listen how their day went. Who is now friends with who, what are they up to. The kind of activities they do in school and what subject they hate and enjoy. Yes, you need to pay attention no matter how busy you are and you have to juggle this with your work since you still need to earn a living.

And now they are teenagers before you know it. They will have different needs. They want freedom at the same time they want you to be there for them. They are in a confuse state at times and expect your guidance. They want you around but they also want to look cool in front of their friends. Sometimes, you will be in a confuse state trying to guess what do they really want. They are trying to find their identity and who they are. They are discovering people from opposite sex and as muchs as you try to guide and control them, you can only pray for them to make the right decision. Yes, pretty complex. We all went through that before. We should be able to relate that.

Now we are re-entering the first phase while managing the teenage space. So, it gets tougher. Yes, we have 3 extra helpers but you do know these helpers need to go to school, do their homework, study and hang out with their friends. They are your kids, not your maid. So, we need to be sensitive with their needs. I am blessed Mira, Ilham and Baby love spending time with Isyraf. But I must also make sure they have their space too. They need to also enjoy teenage life and not forced to play the parents role. I want them to continue to enjoy having Isyraf's company, because they want to, not because they have to.

Some even say at least with bigger kids we will not be sleep deprived. Guess what, occasionally you will lose sleep but for different reason. Like worrying about how they are doing in school or when you have disagreement with them and you worry if they will start to distant themselves from you. And they do get sick so that will also keep you awake. You'll know when you get there.

Hence, that is why I am not the right person to ask about parenting. I am still learning myself. I am not even sure how my kids will turn up when they get bigger. Will they do well in college, will they get good descent job, will they have amazing life partner are some of many questions I constantly ask myself.

And the most critical questions, when I die, will they be the one to manage the funeral, will they be the one mandikan my jenazah, kafankan and solatkan. Will they be the one to carry the coffin and walk me to my final resting place. Will they be the one praying to Allah to forgive my sins and grant me Jannah.

Parenting goes beyond what life has to offer. If done well, it will be carried to the hereafter...(OMG, it rhymes! )

The most trying time

When it comes to child birth, there are many phases we need to go through. Major phases would e pregnancy and what comes with it and labour pain and what comes with it. Many thought labour pain is the most trying time, maybe to some. Not to me at least, epidural or no epidural.

As shared earlier, this round of pregnancy was quite taxing on me. I never had diabetes or high blood pressure when I was carrying Mira, Ilham and Baby, however, I was tested with this 2 diagnosis when I was carrying Isyraf. That was when I had this theory whoever said when you are pregnant, you can eat anything is a damn big liar. This pregnancy, I don't get to eat many things. Thank God I don't have any critical cravings. Otherwise, bak kata orang tua, meleleh air liur anak.

Most trying time for me is confinement (noticed I use IS since I am still in confinement, 2 more days 2 go). This round of confinement, unlike the first 3, food was not the issue. I am ok not having to consume many food I like. Having to eat fish cooked in certain way, nothing spicy except if it comes from black pepper, there are forbidden fruits and vegetables when I am hantu fruits and veges. I am just ok with it. Maybe because of that, my weight now is much lower than before I got pregnant the 4th time.

Why I find this time around confinement is the most trying time is I can't go out and do things I love even if I don't mind going anywhere wearing socks (still wearing them as I am typing this). However, I had to make this confession (sorry Mummy, I did go our few times cause I have to, not because I want to *yeah right*)

1. I won a contest organised by Shape Malaysia magazine and I got to have merchandise worth RM800. Condition is I had to go and collect the prize myself and I have to do this within 1 week. So, I had to go out. The collection place is in PJ. At the same time, my phone screen got cracked and Samsung had an offer which is only for that week where I had to pay only 50% of the actual price which is a lot. So yeah, I had to go out. I went with my better half and we took the kids including Isyraf as it was school holiday. Kids got hungry and I had to feed them. So we had to go to the nearest mall and feed them lunch (don't worry, I was still consuming pantang food, though I don't know why you should be worried)

2. It's a tradition we eat out to celebrate birthdays. And this time around it was Baby's birthday and it's only fair we take her out for the normal makan do. I need to show the kids even with the arrival of Isyraf, we will still maintain whatever family tradition we have. So we went out for 2 hours to celebrate and then went straight home. My better half parked our car at the nearest spot to the restaurant so I don't have to walk too far. And yes, I was still consuming pantang food

3. There were some issues with my better half's shop in Johor which need to be settled fast and my help is needed. So the whole family went back Johor to sort things out. Isyraf made his debut to my better half's kampung. It was a short day trip. We came, we solved and we went home. No stop over except for lunch at Mak's house and Friday prayers at the nearby mosque. Yeah yeah, still consuming pantang food

4. This one, is within my mom's knowledge. My Pak Lang passed away. I went back to Kuala Selangor so we can give our final respect. Of course, I am not allowed to go to the cemetery therefore Isyraf and I stayed in the car. Despite the sad reason to get together, I wanted to take advantage of this to have family lunch with my 2 brothers and my parents. It's a rare occasion for all 5 of us having meals together. And the best thing is without the kids (except for Isyraf, no way I am leaving him behind) so we can have good descent conversation and not worrying for someone to pecahkan pinggan mangkuk kedai makan or running around, falling and injuring themselves or losing any of the kids. My mom has always wanted to makan at Aaron Aziz's restaurant, Kidz and Creme so we took mom there. It was really worth it. Both of my parents were at their happiest mood seeing all their 3 kids in front of them. Oh I forgot, I was still eating pantang food (gila ko! Mummy ada situ, ingat boleh lepas!)

5. This one was entirely me wanting to go out. I was bored. I was (and still am) really really bored. So, I pujuked my better half to take me out and kids for lunch. We went to this new shopping mall in Cyberjaya, D Pulze. Good choice, not crowded and have nursing room. Had good lunch and went back. Yes, still pantang food ouls!!

Of course, in between I get to go our for doctor's appointment when Isyraf was diagnosed with jaundice and when he had to go for his jab. That one doesn't count ya cause we just have to kan? (like it matters)

So I told my better half, I am willing to go through the pregnancy and labour pain (only with epidural ok!) again. I know if I were to get pregnant again it will be tough as I am OLD! But I am still ok to go through the journey, my only worry is if it will affect the baby. But, no way I want to go through confinement ever again.

This is the long answer to your short question. No, I don't plan to have more kids. Of course, kuasa Allah kita tak boleh menghalang ketentuanNya (chewah, bahasa drama dah kluar dah!). If Allah decides for me to have more, I will accept the rezeki. If it's up to me, the answer is NO!

You stop asking, I stop answering ya!

I think I wanna write a malay novel.....

One thing that I do whenever I am on long leave, in this case, maternity leave, I will watch malay dramas. Many many malay dramas. Yes, I do enjoy malay drama. On normal days, malay dramas would be my lipat kain moment. It makes lipat kain more enjoyable. Before you know it, 2 baskets gone while I enjoy giving live commentary on how stupid the hero is or how mean the b**** who likes to kacau suami orang. However, given now I have so much time to spare, I get to watch more malay dramas.

Off late, I noticed few common trends in malay dramas. One trend is the title. Some how, many would have suami or isteri on the title. Either Suamiku something or Dia Isteriku or Suamiku. Like the one I am watching now while I type this, "Isteri Separuh Masa". Last week, I followed Suami Rumah Sebelah and Teman Lelaki Upahan (TLU) (which I have yet to move on from TLU, Kyra and El are 2 characters which are unforgettable, yes, I have not moved on). I also watched Suamiku En Perfect 10. Baby was complaining I have become more Mak Cik since I got pregnant and got worse after I delivered.

Another trend in malay drama which I noticed is secret marriage. Either parents not aware their OWN kids are married, or they got into arranged marriage and don't want others to know or something in between. Of course some of the story line are not logic. Well, that's the beauty of it. It's not logic and yet we still enjoy watching it and got addicted.

This give me an idea, maybe I should start writing malay novel while I am on confinement. I can write about some cliche marriage arrangement. It can be due to tangkap khalwat which of course not the fault of the 2 main characters (adalah orang aniaya diaorang) or the main character cannot claim CEO position or some harta pusaka until s/he got married or fulfilling parents or atok nenek wasiat. Of course, one part of the couple is from the city and another one orang kampung or some sopan santun gadis who is so naive and senang kena tipu.

The title must have Suami or Isteri in it. Since many are taken, so I need to squeeze my brain harder to get a catchy title. Suamiku CEO, Aku Orang Kampung or Isteri Vogue Suami Selebet or Isteri Terror Masak Kari Kepala Ikan...something like that lah. Still got time to think about the title. Some title already in the market don't make much sense, at least not to me, so why can't I choose one title some where along that line.

It must also have comedy elements. And then followed by sob stories. And this two has to blend in. Barulah can make more than a dozen episodes. Oh, didn't I tell you the reason why I want to write the novel so that it can be converted into drama. The longer the episode the better. I can then choose who I want as the main characters, Izzue Islam ke, Aiman Redza ke, Adi Putra ke or Emma Maembong, or Ayda Jebat....It's so scary I now know the name of these actors or actresses. Before this I only know them by their character names. You may call it progress, I may call it "I'm Bored" moment.

I have less than 2 months to go before I start working again. I better start the novel soon, otherwise sure tak sempat to finish lah!!